My Bubbas
Posted by Auntie Heather (Heather Methven) on Oct 09, 2011
Dear Friends,
The last three and a half months have been an emotional roller coaster for my family and I. It started on June 24th, 2011 (a day I will never forget) and it still continues to this day.
I was heartbroken when finding out that my curly red headed angelic angel was diagnosed with a terminal cancer and the doctors said she had around 3 months to live.
I was horrified and shocked when looking through hours and hours of websites and research, trying to find a cure for my Stella. I was constantly on different DIPG support groups and this horrendous DIPG has taken the lives of too many innocent children. There has hardly been any progress in the last 35 years with finding a cure for DIPG. The sense of helplessness and hopelessness is too much too bear.
I was devastated to see my sister fall apart with depression and anxiety. I am Michelle’s big sister, yet I cannot protect her and guard her from this atrocious situation her and Aimee are both forced to deal with. I feel powerless because there is nothing I can say or do to take away the DIPG or pain she is constantly going through.
I was depressed to see Mishi and Aimee’s close family members and friends falling apart. We are all coping with Stella’s diagnosis in different ways. Everyone has been very determined to keep strong in front of Stella but when Stella is not around the courageous front disappears, exhaustion takes over and the despair sets in.
I feel that my way of coping in this unfair tragedy is denial. I see her losing her abilities one at a time and I see her medication constantly increasing, yet I am always hoping and praying for a miracle. I haven’t truly accepted that she might not be with us one day. I am fearful to think about how I am going to handle the rest of her deterioration.
I have only broken down in front of Stella twice since the diagnosis. Stella does not like it when people cry and both times she said, “Don’t cry Auntie it’s o.k. I will fix your boo boo with a band-aid”. If only I could fix the DIPG. Stella and I were watching television and there was a bunch of children riding on horses. Stella looked at me and said “Auntie when I’m big I ride the horsie”. This was one of the times that I broke down in front of her. I looked at her with tears overflowing in my eyes and said “Of course”. I am grief-stricken that there will be things she wants to do that she will never have the opportunity to do.
Although there have been a lot of negative emotions on this horrific journey, there have also been some positive.
As a family we have never been closer and more supportive of each other. I have spent more time with my family then I ever have before, it is time that I will treasure and reflect back on with many cherished memories.
Aimee and Mishi have made sure that the last couple of months have been spectacular for Stella. She has been to various cottages, Sesame Street Land, play dates with her best friends, monthly Stella birthday parties and Christmas in September. They are making sure that Stella is a constant wonderland full of happiness and bliss.
Stella is only 2 and a half years old, yet she has touched more lives than most adults. Our families are blessed to have so much love and support from the community. Family, friends and even complete strangers have been inspirational and willing to help throughout this difficult time. There have been numerous successful benefits and fundraisers that have ensured Mishi and Aimee can stay home from work and be with Stella.
Children usually aren’t diagnosed with DIPG until the age of 5. I think that it is a blessing Stella is only 2 and a half because she does not know what is happening to her. She is unable to walk anymore, her speech and eyesight are getting worse daily, she sleeps most of the day, yet she still manages to have her infectious laugh that makes my heart melt like butter. Her high-spirits are a testament to us all.
I am grateful, I was blessed with the opportunity to have Stella in my life. Being Stella’s auntie is truly a gift!! You will always have a place in my heart and soul!!
Love, Auntie Heather
Photo by Silke Fischer
Comments (10)
lisa depaola:
Oct 14, 2011 at 11:30 PM
Hi Auntie Heather., meet Auntie Lisa...your post brings tears flowing down my face and memories...I too lost my nephew to this HORRID MONSTER known as DIGP...I had to keep from breaking down in front of my 7 yrs old nephew...I remember once when I was leaving he crawled to the front door to say good bye..I asked him what can I bring you next time...his reply pls don't bring me toys because I can't play with them..I have so many..just come and stay with me...! Oh.. it broke my heart how can this little boy be torn of all he knows...all he wanted was to play and be with his friends.
Your right..its better that Stella is 2 yrs old..she doesn't understand what is going on..and she has 2 beutiful loving parents and family who she is teaching about life.!
Hang in there they will need you. Its not easy watching this monster take over. HUG Her Hug her moms and just be there ! that is all you can do until GOD Desides this little precious princess one too..will earn her wings and be in the heavans above dancing and prancing in the sky.
WIth love and hope and yes a Mirace for this loved one that she does not suffer! and that you too will find meaning to all of this.
lisa Depaola
Dawn:
Oct 10, 2011 at 03:39 PM
I don't know your family or Stella. I saw a link to your blog on a friend Facebook some time ago, I clicked on it and as I read the pages the tears began flowing very freely. I wish with all my heart I could ease your suffering. I am blown away with the strength and love your family has for each other. Please know that I think about you all the time. I have strong Buddhist beliefs and I know that we never really leave but that's of little comfort when the pain is so real....
Blessings
Fiona:
Oct 10, 2011 at 11:11 AM
I begin each day with a prayer for little Stella and Mishi and Aimee. Mishi and Aimee are absolutely amazing parents and their precious angel is my little hero.
Your whole family has been and is unbelievable through this ordeal. I see the love, the support, the strength in every message, in every post. I wish I could do more than just post a message everyday and pray; but like everyone else I feel completely powerless and helpless.
And even though we don't know each other, I feel your pain. My beloved nephew Blair passed away 6 months ago - he suffered for 43 days because of a botched surgical procedure. I see and hear the pain in the voices of my brother and his family. The endless support and love of family and friends, neighbours and strangers around the world keeps them going and me too.
So, I wish each one of you some moments of peace during these very difficult times.
Hugs,
Sarah Cressman:
Oct 10, 2011 at 09:25 AM
I don't know your family directly, but we are in the same community... we are also a two-mom family with a beloved daughter. My day includes a check of the website, and a prayer for Stella. Wishing all of you moments of comfort in these darkest of days. My heart goes out to all of you.
Eva:
Oct 10, 2011 at 08:30 AM
My day now includes a stop here to check on Stella. Praying for some sort of peace for all of those who know and love Stella, and for an easy, peaceful journey home for their precious little shooting star, herself.
Ida:
Oct 09, 2011 at 11:25 PM
Heather...you and beautiful Stella are so blessed to have each other. As I read the updates, I become more saddened by what is happening to Stella and what her whole family is going through. I too have a 2.5 year old niece that I love so much...
This evening with tears, I asked my husband how does one keep the faith? Where are the miracles? I prayed for a miracle when my mom was diagnosed with cancer and now I am praying for a miracle for Stella.
I wish so much that I could do something that would ease Stella's pain and her family's suffering. Like so many others who have visited this site I also feel helpless.
I can identify with all the emotions that you are going through as I lost my mother to this dreadful disease. Yes, we are strangers, but if there is anything that I can do to help, I am here. Just let me know...
Betty:
Oct 09, 2011 at 09:48 PM
Just another stranger who has been following the blog and wanted to offer my support to you. Thinking of you all this thanksgiving weekend and wishing I could help in some way.
Saul:
Oct 09, 2011 at 08:55 PM
Well said, Auntie Heather. You are indeed blessed to have such a magikal little girl in your life and she is equally lucky to have you. Us strangers in cyberland are awed by your family's strength.
Julia K.:
Oct 09, 2011 at 08:53 PM
Auntie Heather, your love for family shines through in this so well. You are all so lucky to have another.
Natasha:
Oct 09, 2011 at 07:48 PM
Heather, I've known you for almost ever. You are a kind and thoughtful person. These past few months I have been blown away by your strength and love of your family. You are an amazing aunt, sister and daughter, and I have no doubt that you will be a fantastic mother.
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